Monday, December 30, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
I read the following on someone's Tumbl today, and it incensed me:
"It is so rewarding to watch even some Queers as they denigrate, humiliate and destroy the questionable human status of willing queer faggots even lower than They.
Sink lower, faggots. Embrace and savor the psychological wounds and scars of becoming ever lesser and lesser, understanding all the while that the Power, Pride, and Cruelty you allow and encourage in Other Men is all you were born for and live for. Your reward is your sexual addiction to crippling shame and loss of self esteem."
How the fuck can anyone actually think that - let alone find it fucking sexy?!
OK, maybe I'm not a sadist so I don't see Power-play from the same perspective, but how fucked-up must you be if you so detest the men that you Dominate that you want to destroy them so utterly? - and how much must you come to loath yourself when you believe the very acts you desire to commit with those men as being the lowest and most disgusting possible...?
You think that desiring men makes you less of a Man - that being gay is so sinfully perverse that it makes you sub-human - and yet you eroticise 'punishing' those men by forcing them to have sex with you. I mean, fuck, talk about internalised homophobia and Freudian self-hatred!
What a twisted idea of both Masculinity and of power.
BDSM is an empowering process: it gives us leave to play a role, wear a mask - and to therefore see our real selves behind that mask.
BDSM is about power and the exchange of power; it's about taking taboos and breaking them so that we might reclaim the power within them for ourselves. It is about taking our power and lending it to another so that we can experience powerlessness - and in the process learn just how powerful we really are.
Gay BDSM is also about Masculinity; true masculinity. One Man kneels before another in honour of His power, his manhood - and on doing so, acknowledges the power of his own masculinity. It echoes the Greek tradition of the Older educating and civilising the Younger by imitation, and directly reflects the ways of the warrior, and the Initiation of the shaman: we honour our Master, and serve Him so that we may learn to BE like Him, we give of ourselves to Him so that He may transform us and make us greater than we were.
The church destroyed that understanding - and turned power into something to be stolen and then wielded brutally over others. It turned masculinity into an excuse to dominate, belittle and abuse. And it rewrote our sexuality as something unclean, unnatural and shameful.
'The paling priest doth lie!'
Screw anyone who swallows that shit: screw homophobia and screw self-hatred - screw humiliation play, and screw anyone who wants to salve their own guilt by inflicting their own self-hatred and self-doubt upon those who are better than they.
My advice? When some 'Top' calls you a faggot, a queer, a cunt or a cum-dump - when he gets off on making you feel small, or tries to make you feel bad for what He makes you do - get up off the floor, laugh in his pathetic self-hating face, and walk out the door.
No Man who thinks you are less than He will ever be worth your respect or your service. It doesn't matter how he dresses it up - how much leather he wears, or what misguided 'satanic' regalia he dresses himself up in - Any Man who can fetishise hatred is an abuser - plain and simple - and you are far better of being miles away from him.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Tuesday, December 03, 2013
It's been an eventful few months: after 25 years together my partner and I finally got married (officially too - thank you UK Parliament!) - being pagans, we had a very simple registry signing for the 'official' bit, then had our Handfasting at Halloween, with both our families and close friends in attendance. Neither event could have gone so smoothly without the generous help of my Handler too: both as our official witness at the Registry Office, and then with all the help (gazebos, cutlery and crockery) He and His partner lent for the post-Handfasting family 'Do'; hell - both of them even did a bit of waiting on the night itself!
No wonder both me *and* my 'new' husband love Him so much.
And I guess that's the final piece of news.
I had another 'little meltdown' last month.
I know it was purely down to the stress and unhappiness of work, just like last time. But knowing what caused it didn't make it any less distressing when it happened, not stop it from hurting even now.
I'm (mostly) OK now: the Dr upped my meds and signed me off work for some enforced R&R for a few weeks (or until after xmas if I can stretch it), and I'm using the time to retry to find my mo-jo; getting creative seems to help a lot: I've been having a lot of fun reacquainting myself with my paints (well, I *am* an art-librarian...!), learning a few new pieces on the piano - and getting in lots of long, stress-releasing morning runs...
I hope to be back to strength again soon. And once again - I couldn't have survived it without the love and support of my Men.
I love you guys - heart and soul, balls to bone.