I have really enjoyed exploring tumblr over the last couple of weeks - I just love that my smartphone is able to put so much BDSM porn in my pocket...!
However, that almost constant stream of sex and depravity has also made me very aware of a trend that I find somewhat disturbing, and quite upsetting:
The images that get most shares are those that show some poor kid struggling with the abuse inflicted on him - whilst the accompanying comments take pleasure in his helpless pain.
Why do so many of us seem to be turned on by images that imply violence, aggression and abuse? - and why are so many of the comments that accompany them so often derogatory or hateful...?
Sure, aggression (and sometimes even fear) can be powerful turn-ons: they express power and testosterone, risk and dominance. But it's a fine line between that knee-trembling apprehension and genuine violence and hate - especially when the words that we frame those feelings with are hate-filled and fearful.
Our words come to define us, we eventually become that which we most focus upon. So why can't we use words of power to describe ourselves - and focus on images that embody power, transformation and PRIDE?
I know that we are turned on by powerful images of BDSM: of strong guys submitting to even more powerful Men - but can't we also find images that celebrate that power exchange and that honour the boy for his submission? Can't we find space for the intensity of connection between the Sir and His boy - images that enshrine His emotional possession as well as His physical one?
BDSM isn't about inflicting pain for pain's sake: its about TRUST and POWER - a power that is expressed as much in the giving as it is in the taking.
Any fool who is strong enough can take a helpless boy and inflict pain on him until he breaks - but it takes a real Master to have a man kneel and submit to whatever He wishes to give - and to do so by his own free will, and as an act of pure devotion.
And it takes a real Man and Brother to accept that surrender and reward it with His love and protection.
That is BDSM - and that is something to champion and celebrate.
So come on - lets see powerful images of positive submission and perversity. Lets see images of boys enjoying their service to their Men: I want to see in their eyes that they endure His bondage and pain in Love and Pride - that they transform it into something greater, and gives themselves completely to their shared pleasure.
And when you see those images, lets not denigrate that connection, but celebrate it. Lets not use hateful words in angry ways - but use terms of honour. And lets honour the sub for his strength and endurance - and share pride in his perversity and surrender.
Because in sharing his pride we can feel Pride too - pride in who we are: as individuals and as a community, and pride in these crazy desires that we have.
Because, as my Man says:
Because, as my Man says:
“Why would I want to break you, boy! Who wants to play with a broken toy?
I love you, boy - so honour me and love yourself.”