Tuesday, June 29, 2010

More thoughts on puppy-hood

i was incredibly honoured recently to be chatting to a bondage Top on Recon - we've spoken before, but He now has a blog *and* a pup.

He said that both He and His pup had found my blog very helpful, and had said so on their own blogs (specifically quoting 'Headspace' and 'Puppy day' - both referring to my own 'Less than human?' posting).  i can't say how proud and pleased i am that my thoughts and words could have had such a positive effect - especially to the pup himself (who i know is struggling to overcome similar feelings of insecurity and self-doubt that so many of us pups seem to suffer...) - and am simply honoured to pass on some of what i have learnt and experienced at the gentle hands of my own Handler.

Serendipity then also had me chatting to another pup-contact via recon this morning. He had messaged my Handler to say how much he would love to experience being His dog like bootbrush - and Handler told him to contact me and tell me so (knowing i am off sick, He thought it might cheer me up! ;) )

The exchange we had echoed a lot of what i have written before - about the genuine pride there is in being a pup, and how my Handler has helped me to find genuine *playfulness* and self-respect in my puppy-hood - about how i have learnt from Him that our puppy play has very little to do with humiliation and nothing at all with sadism or slavery - that it *is* very much about a shared interplay of love, respect and exploration...

i thought it might be helpful to share a little of my explanation to him here:

i am *so* lucky to have not just a Handler, but RubberGTR as my Handler: He is the reason i am the pup i am. 
i have played with some much harder Masters in the past: amazing bondage Tops and sadistic Masters who took me to some of the most incredible super-charged experiences through BDSM - who used pain and humiliation to teach me to surrender: to crawl and beg and obey my Master with equal parts of fear and arousal. They were scenes straight out of every gay kids fantasy - and in them i became their slave, their sex-toy, their mutt. If those scenes touched into dog-play it was within its BDSM aspect: where i was treated *as* a dog (and less than human, less than a slave). 
But fantastic though it was to dance that dark edge of surrender and obsession, i was only able to play those scenes occasionally because it would take me weeks to re-find my emotional balance afterwards. 
Because those incredible scenes used to call up something *deeply* negative in me. They made me want to sacrifice myself to my fetishes: to be dehumanised and forced to obey - to be 'punished' for my desires, and forced to ever deeper acts of degradation - to surrender my past, my identity, my humanity - to be stripped of everything and become only an object, a sexual toy devoid of thought or conscience. 
Those games made me think my destiny was to be a slave, and that because of that desire, my very existence was infinitely lesser than that of a Master or a 'real man'.  
i though that was what being a dog was about - and what i wanted - but meeting Handler changed all that. 

RubberGTR was different from the very start (not least because He met me that first day with an amazing smile - and almost every meet involves as much laughter as growling).  He is utterly dominant with me, but He is also incredibly caring and compassionate; play with Him is just that: *PLAY*. He has taught me to find the playful curious pup within me, and in doing so to give everything to Him without question - and all without ever having to even raise His voice.   
In everything we do together i know that He loves me and respects me - and would never harm me; He respects the reality of our separate lives outside of our play - and yet also knows that in all things i am *always* His pup. i know can Trust Him fully - and feeling His respect and love makes it possible for me to love and respect myself in turn.  
With Him, being a dog is an incredibly *positive* experience - it's being *MORE* than i am, not less than i was. It's being freed to be who i *am* and explore what i can be. 
Together we do much of the same stuff as i might have done before: heavy gear-play, restraint, fucking, milkings, piss - but it's from a totally different head-space: everything becomes a joint exploration, and nothing is ever allowed to be seen as 'negative' or 'bad'. Nothing is ever forced on me: i am just simply guided and encouraged and rewarded when i do well. 
He has never punished me - and i could not even think of giving Him reason to do so (although He *has* taught me to enjoy being spanked or flogged...!) i *want* to obey and try to please Him - because i know it will make Him happy and proud - and because i feel so *good* when He praises me.
i am a better person because of Him. i serve Him because i love Him and want to please Him - i would do *anything* for Him, simply because i am His pup and much-loved k9 companion - His friend and His hound. 
Loving and serving Him is simply the deepest honour i know.

bootbrush: RubberGTR's pup  

2 comments:

  1. It is a pleasure to be part of a mutual admiration society with the likes of you, the smartest, warmest pup I've had the joy to meet!

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  2. Awwww *blush*

    i do enjoy writing as a process - both as a tool for self-reflection and a creative exercise in self-expression. i also feel great pride in giving an account of my play and development with my Handler - so that everyone can read and see my devotion to Him (the cyber equivalent of the pride i have in wearing His collar in public)

    It is always good receiving positive comments and feedback - as much because it often spurs new thoughts and additional entries.

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i really appreciate receiving constructive comments - they will be added once i have had time to review them.

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