Tuesday, June 29, 2010

More thoughts on puppy-hood

i was incredibly honoured recently to be chatting to a bondage Top on Recon - we've spoken before, but He now has a blog *and* a pup.

He said that both He and His pup had found my blog very helpful, and had said so on their own blogs (specifically quoting 'Headspace' and 'Puppy day' - both referring to my own 'Less than human?' posting).  i can't say how proud and pleased i am that my thoughts and words could have had such a positive effect - especially to the pup himself (who i know is struggling to overcome similar feelings of insecurity and self-doubt that so many of us pups seem to suffer...) - and am simply honoured to pass on some of what i have learnt and experienced at the gentle hands of my own Handler.

Serendipity then also had me chatting to another pup-contact via recon this morning. He had messaged my Handler to say how much he would love to experience being His dog like bootbrush - and Handler told him to contact me and tell me so (knowing i am off sick, He thought it might cheer me up! ;) )

The exchange we had echoed a lot of what i have written before - about the genuine pride there is in being a pup, and how my Handler has helped me to find genuine *playfulness* and self-respect in my puppy-hood - about how i have learnt from Him that our puppy play has very little to do with humiliation and nothing at all with sadism or slavery - that it *is* very much about a shared interplay of love, respect and exploration...

i thought it might be helpful to share a little of my explanation to him here:

i am *so* lucky to have not just a Handler, but RubberGTR as my Handler: He is the reason i am the pup i am. 
i have played with some much harder Masters in the past: amazing bondage Tops and sadistic Masters who took me to some of the most incredible super-charged experiences through BDSM - who used pain and humiliation to teach me to surrender: to crawl and beg and obey my Master with equal parts of fear and arousal. They were scenes straight out of every gay kids fantasy - and in them i became their slave, their sex-toy, their mutt. If those scenes touched into dog-play it was within its BDSM aspect: where i was treated *as* a dog (and less than human, less than a slave). 
But fantastic though it was to dance that dark edge of surrender and obsession, i was only able to play those scenes occasionally because it would take me weeks to re-find my emotional balance afterwards. 
Because those incredible scenes used to call up something *deeply* negative in me. They made me want to sacrifice myself to my fetishes: to be dehumanised and forced to obey - to be 'punished' for my desires, and forced to ever deeper acts of degradation - to surrender my past, my identity, my humanity - to be stripped of everything and become only an object, a sexual toy devoid of thought or conscience. 
Those games made me think my destiny was to be a slave, and that because of that desire, my very existence was infinitely lesser than that of a Master or a 'real man'.  
i though that was what being a dog was about - and what i wanted - but meeting Handler changed all that. 

RubberGTR was different from the very start (not least because He met me that first day with an amazing smile - and almost every meet involves as much laughter as growling).  He is utterly dominant with me, but He is also incredibly caring and compassionate; play with Him is just that: *PLAY*. He has taught me to find the playful curious pup within me, and in doing so to give everything to Him without question - and all without ever having to even raise His voice.   
In everything we do together i know that He loves me and respects me - and would never harm me; He respects the reality of our separate lives outside of our play - and yet also knows that in all things i am *always* His pup. i know can Trust Him fully - and feeling His respect and love makes it possible for me to love and respect myself in turn.  
With Him, being a dog is an incredibly *positive* experience - it's being *MORE* than i am, not less than i was. It's being freed to be who i *am* and explore what i can be. 
Together we do much of the same stuff as i might have done before: heavy gear-play, restraint, fucking, milkings, piss - but it's from a totally different head-space: everything becomes a joint exploration, and nothing is ever allowed to be seen as 'negative' or 'bad'. Nothing is ever forced on me: i am just simply guided and encouraged and rewarded when i do well. 
He has never punished me - and i could not even think of giving Him reason to do so (although He *has* taught me to enjoy being spanked or flogged...!) i *want* to obey and try to please Him - because i know it will make Him happy and proud - and because i feel so *good* when He praises me.
i am a better person because of Him. i serve Him because i love Him and want to please Him - i would do *anything* for Him, simply because i am His pup and much-loved k9 companion - His friend and His hound. 
Loving and serving Him is simply the deepest honour i know.

bootbrush: RubberGTR's pup  

Monday, June 28, 2010

Pan's kin updates


I've hurt my back (on the allotment i'm afraid - nothing 'exciting!), so i'm having a few days off work - i've spent the time editing a few more stories and have uploaded then onto our Pan's kin website: 'Rubber hypnosis'; 'A cautionary tale' and 'Give!'

Let me know what you think of 'em...


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Pillion-pup (pt.2): Worthing, Poole and Bath

Just came back from the most blissful day with my Handler: overnight on Monday, then a 400 mile round-trip down on the bike with Him to the South Coast. As He said - it was all the more special for being somewhat spur-of-the-moment and utterly unplanned: i am saddle-sore - but i just can't wipe this grin off my face :D


Tired as we were, Tuesday morning came a lot sooner than either of us might have hoped - and it felt like a *very* early start in the morning! But even the bitterness of 7am is softened and sweetened when you wake still held within your Man's arms - and your first act of the day is to nuzzle and lick and guzzle and swallow: a puppy alarm-clock raising both Your Man and His meat from their slumber... :)

A quick breakfast - literally on the hop whilst Man and hound blearily struggled into their bike gear - then out on the road by 8:30, weaving through the commuter traffic around Bristol and then opening up down the M4: the dog sat as close as it could behind Him, arms tight around His waist and trying not to shout 'WHEEEEE!' all the way.  Seeing our reflection in the windows of the cars that we passed: my Handler so tall and upright in the saddle - His dog looking so small behind Him, but feeling proud all the same in my big boots and leathers. Laughing and chatting through the intercom - cussing at 4x4's who hogged the middle lane, glowering at nobs doing 90 whilst on their mobiles, waving at bored kids and coach-loads of tourists - barking excitedly every time i saw another biker in the hope we'd play 'chase' for a bit.

Off the motorway at Newbury and onto the A34, M3 and M275 - down to Handler's old stamping ground around Portsmouth and Worthing...

Finding a perfect lay by between Arundel and Littlehampton: a quiet 'A' road through thick woods - and a Man with a bladder full of piss for His dog... Grinning up at Him as i sank to my knees, the bike and the road just in sight through the trees - getting hard from the smell of Him warm from His leathers and the sweat of the ride - taking Him gently in my mouth as i've been taught - feeling His hand stroke my head as He relaxed and let the thirsty dog gulp down every drop. Letting Him slide deeper into my throat - lubricated by His own piss - fluttering my throat as i swallowed, feeling Him groan at the feeling of being enfolded in pulsing muscle - easing Him back out so i could tease Him to hardness with my tongue: wrapping it under Him to wriggle and tease at His piss-slit, following the curve around the back of His glans where i know it is at it's most sensitive - rewarded by His growl and gasps of pleasure, and the way He held my head still and started to slowly grind down again into my willing throat...

Giving Him the best head He's had, there by the road - both in our leathers, creaking and sweating - hearing the cars speeding past just feet from us (Handler telling me later that He'd seen one cyclist almost fall off his bike when he realised what he was seeing... :D ) - blissfully oblivious to all but making Him happy.

Then back on the bike - down into Worthing to drop the dog off on the sea-front whilst He went to visit family. Strolling through the streets in my full leathers and feeling a 'proper biker' - proudly wearing my collar and flashing my 'bootbrush' T shirt. Having a wonderfully relaxed lunch at the Dome Cafe-bar: sat on their terrace overlooking the sea and watching the world go by - then a stroll down the pier and a nap in the sun with the old-folk, buying some rock and fudge for my partner, then waiting patiently by the Lido: seeing heads turn at the purr of my Man's silver steed - the glorious sight of Him riding down through the crowds to come pick me up again: the sun glinting off both the bike and His glossy black leathers.

A long leisurely ride along the coast to Poole - past the beautiful Arundel and the terrible Chichester bypass - starting to pick up more bikes as we went: all of us heading to the honey-pot of the Poole Bike Night.

The whole Quay at Poole is closed off on Tuesday nights in summer - and access restricted only to bikes and bikers (who come down in their thousands to cruise and stoll, admiring each other's bikes and enjoy the fine weather). There were so many shiney machines, so many sexy guys obliviously perverse in their leathers (thank god for good weather!) - and it was a real joy to ride along slowly seeing all the appreciative looks my Man's new machine got.

We parked up and strolled along too - the dogs heart thumping at the endless roar and rumble, the smell of leather and chrome...  Queuing for chips - watching the guys whilst we waited for our order (and the serving girls snickering when my Man stood with His dog in His arms...). Sitting on the wall to eye the bikes and the men - seeing the double-takes of passers by when they spotted my collar, flashing them big friendly disarming smiles - perfectly happy to be who and what i am, regardless of what they may think in their ignorance.

Seeing one bunch of guys - tanked up from the footie and down to laugh at the bikers - nearly falling over when they spotted us; milling about on the other side of the road, giggling like girls and trying to sneak a photo of the 'gay-boy and his dog' - too nervous and rude to simply ask, so snapping a frantic photo and then running away sniggering. My Handler frightening the life out of them by quietly following them down the quay as they texted the pics to their mates - then leaning over their shoulders to growl "So, are you going to send me a copy of that too...?". One guy brave enough to reply: "Only if you will let me wear that collar..." - and me quipping back "You'd be welcome to share my leash, but you might not like were it could lead..."

Weaving through the packs on our way out of Poole - then taking the long scenic route home via Shaftsbury and Warminster: such beautiful roads through the most perfect of English countryside, through beautiful Dorset villages and across the top of the downs - the sun long and low, the bike weaving and humming beneath me, the feel of my Handler's hand as it stroked my thigh or layed over my own gloved hands where they held Him tight...

Hugging Him so close i could feel His chest expand with every breath - resting my helmeted head against the back of His shoulder and sighing my doggish love for Him through the com - hearing the equal pleasure and emotion in His voice when He says he loves His dog too - and that He can't express the pleasure He has in it's company: piss-pup, fuck dog, pillion or friend.

Taking a pit-stop in Bath - finding a perfect little Italian Ice-cream and Crepe parlour for a warm-up and a fortifying tea - the nice guy staying open beyond 9pm to make us 2 *huge* crepes and piling them high with bananas and caramel and berries and ice cream...!!  Handler stretching the dog's cramped legs with a short stroll around the town (which i've never been to before): taking in the baths, the Cathedral and Wier - and just catching the tail end of the 'Comedy walk' tour.

Then it was one last zoom home through the gathering night - the sun finally down and the moon coming up - the dog saddle-sore and tired, and trying to stifle a yawn... Even so, the Bristol junction seemed to come up far too soon - and i was quite a sad little pup when we finally pulled into the garage and Sir told the dog to finally hop off... But - it was already heading for midnight, and we'd been on the road for hours (Sir checked the clock and we'd done 350 miles - plus the 50 between the dog's place and Him), and even though i was sad that the ride was coming to an end i really couldn't find it in me to be genuinely unhappy - not after such a *perfect* day...!


Really, it doesn't take much to make a dog happy when you think about it, Sir: some good company, a strong pair of arms, a couple of wheels, a few chips and the occasional crepe or scone - accompanied by the odd 'good dog' words of encouragement - and maybe a few mil of high protein supplement from Your own personal applicator, washed down by a few pints of piss... ;)

THANK YOU Sir for making me Your pup!

Pillion-pup (pt.1): An overnight with my Handler & sunset at Aust

Just came back from the most blissful day with my Handler: overnight on Monday, then a 400 mile round-trip down on the bike with Him to the South Coast. As He said - it was all the more special for being somewhat spur-of-the-moment and utterly unplanned: i am saddle-sore - but i just can't wipe this grin off my face :D


i headed down on Monday after work (with a short detour home to perve up in my rubber 1-piece, throw on a flight suit, and drop my bike leathers in the back of the car...).

He met me at the door looking *stunning* in chaps and a leather vest, and swept His dog up into a great big wonderful hug - then had it kneel before Him as He once more claimed it's neck with His collar and padlock.

He helped the dog out of it's flight-suit and had an appreciative laugh at the dog's new 'Piss-pup' T-shirt - and a hungry growl at finding it already plugged and fully encased in rubber - so He had it pull on it's tall waders and follow Him upstairs... lying back on the treatment couch - waders up, body encased, head hanging back over the edge and throat relaxed and open... The pure bliss of taking Him deeper and deeper into my throat - flicking my tongue over and under and around His shaft and head - feeling Him grow inside me, hearing Him groan and grunt and growl in response to my attentive devotion - grinding down into His dog, stopping it's breath and filling it's throat with His passion and power - feeding His dog and sating His pleasure...

With the dog's muzzle busy, He pulled an open-ended rubber sheath onto it's cock and balls - completing it's encasement and transforming it's meat into a tight rubber package - with the dog gasping and groaning around His meat as it helplessly humped it's rubbered dog-cock within His fist...

Letting it sit up to give it a breather (literally!) - climbing on the couch behind it, wrapping His arms around it's tightly rubbered body - having it slide back so it could grind it's plugged hole against His crotch. Teasing it's nipples through the suit and feeling it grind back against Him - milking it slowly as it writhed in His arms, barking and growling and panting - humped itself down into full k9 arousal - and making it shoot an endless stream of dog-cum across the bench (and almost all the way to the wall 3 foot away...!).

[Handler: You missed out the pleasure I had in standing in the kitchen having a snack afterwards - hand-feeding my Pup yummie chunks of apple and smoked cheese whilst it sat and panted and grinned and nuzzled at my leg...!]

Man and dog both sated - it was out into the garden to piss down it's throat, then take down the sling and restraints and gas mask (which He *had* apparently intended to strap the dog into and fuck it silly - if it hadn't distracted Him so badly with it's throat... ;) ).

By then it was getting late - and the dog was getting hungry - so He had it sit in the middle of the lawn whilst He got out the hose and shoved it down the neck of it's suit to help it out of it's rubber: there is *nothing* quite like the feeling of 40 deg thermostatically controlled hot water gushing down and through a tight rubber suit - swelling it up and swirling around your cock and arse like your own personal Jacuzzi bath and sauna in one!!!

The dog stripped, hosed down and towelled dry, it was then into our bike leathers - a quick call to Pizza express, then onto the bike and a quick jaunt to Aust (pizza-box precariously perched on the dog's lap) - chasing the last of the light so He could sit on a park-bench to hand feed His dog whilst it sat at His boots and we both watched the sun set in a blaze of glory across the Severn - glinting off both bridges and luring us over into Wales.

Fed and starting to feel chilly, we headed down into Aust - looking for the old ferry crossing - then it was up and over the bridge and on into Chepstow to have a look at the town and the river before heading home again...

At last, my Man finally dragged His pup up to bed - patting the bed so it would leap up to snuggle under the duvet and spoon in His arms. Fighting it's urge to wriggle and nuzzle and beg to be fucked: knowing that we had an early morning start, and we both needed our rest for the day ahead.

Feeling so secure, so safe: wrapped in His presence, resting my head against His arm, my neck still safe in His collar.

Drifting off into sleep surrounded in His smell, enfolded in His warmth - His arms keeping all fears and worries at bay...

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

"some say the gods are just a myth..."

Doing some guided relaxation and meditation (part of the 'Compassionate Mindfulness' practice recommended for my depression): your standard "happy place" visualisation of a woodland glade filled with dappled sunlight and quiet birdsong...

Sitting quietly, my back against a fallen tree - feeling the sun warm on my face and the soft drone of bees amongst the bluebells... Feeling a strong, comforting, Masculine presence on the log beside me: resting my head gently upon a strong thigh - alternately shaggy and smooth, muscled and lithe. Wrapped in the smell of Him, the aura of His power, safe in His protection - and feeling His hand come to rest gently upon my head: warm, strong, comforting. Wrapping my arms around His leg as He gently strokes my hair, fondles my ears; the low rumble of a chuckle deep within his broad bronze chest as a sigh rattles through me and i feel all fear and self-doubt wash away...

...a part of me knowing that i am half remembering the touch of my partner, my Handler, my lover, my Father - yet i also feel that this is more than mere memory or imagination - that it is tapping something deeper and truer and archetypal: the sumation and epitome of paternal protection, masculine strength, fraternal acceptance - male passion and love.

Tilting my head to look up into an ancient face framing laughing eyes: old beyond knowing yet filled with the life and joy of youth - a face from a dozen religions - and seen in every one of the Men whom i love.

Hearing His voice inside: "In all of them, pup: I am there..." and the touch of His palm against my chest: "...and in here..."


The ancient Greeks knew something when they made their gods the personification of natural wonders, the embodiment of the great emotions and Truths. They say to us: "There is more to life than making a buck and gaining possessions - and greater Truths to be strived towards than can be encompassed in the life of one person".

i don't honestly know if the gods are objectively real - or whether they are simply Ideals and inspirations - projections of our hopes and fears, or manifestions of our shared inner reality. But i do believe that they are as much a part of my reality as Art and Music, Beauty and Love.

And hoping in them - in what they represent, and in what they give us to strive towards becoming - i do believe that life can be a better and more pleasant experience for us all.

And i know that i am blessed by Them everytime i am held and loved by those whom i love and serve in return.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

The impossible dream...

Is it only me, or is this guy not the sexiest thing on TV? What with his intense gaze, grizzled tasch, balding hair and furry chest - sure, he's no Colt model, but there's just something so deeply *masculine* about him that it makes me have to stop and watch everytime the ad comes on...

Then again - he does bear a *remarkable* resemblance to my own Handler - and even rides a Honda just like Him... ;) And what could be sexier than to ride pillion whilst He sang at you with that wonderful Andy Williams' voice...?

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