Blame it on the full moon, but this week my thoughts have stayed with the theme of 'Trusting oneself' which has run through a couple of the last posts ("Mindfulness and loving sacrifice" and "Fear is the mind-killer" in particular...):
* Can you Trust another - Trust a Master - if you do not Trust yourself?
* Can you Trust yourself if you do not know yourself?
* What does 'surrender' mean, if you do not fully know what it is that you give up?
Trusting comes from knowing: knowing yourself, knowing those you play with - and knowing what you are capable of together.
γνώθι σαυτόν: know thyself
Before you give the gift of yourself, take time to know what that gift contains - learn who it is that you are: what is it that drives you? what turns you on? Why does it turn you on...?! Where are your boundaries? Are they your boundaries - or limitations set by the expectations of others? Is this really your fetish - or are you simply curious...?
'Who are you - and why are you here?
This is not a matter of rationalising, or making lists - and it is certainly not about judging yourself by the standards of others. But it is about turning a gentle curiosity inward, and learning from the experiences you gain...
And the more you learn about yourself, the more you come to know how strong you are - and what you are capable of. Knowing that, means you learn to trust yourself.
γνωρίζει ο άνθρωπος: Know the man
Knowing those you play with is partly a simple matter of safety - and of community. A profile may say a lot about the identity a person may wish to project, but is it really much more than an advert? Don't expect to play deep on a first visit - and know them by the company they keep...
Anonymous sex and club-play can be fun, but the more regularly you play with a Top, the more you come to know them: you learn their triggers, They learn yours - together and over time you both discover new triggers and fresh boundaries... As you play those edges together - and return safe from them - a deep level of awareness and understand develops between You, and from that shared knowledge a genuine and deep Trust grows.
The more trust between you - the more freely and completely you can give - safe in the knowledge that you both understand the gravity of the gift, the honesty of it's giving, and the honour in having that gift accepted...
Big thoughts for a dog, i know - but then i believe that sex and play should be about more than simply having your holes filled or your balls emptied - and fetish/SM much more than simply a wee bit of something to add 'spice' to a bored sex-life...