Sunday, February 26, 2017

Quality time

Sometimes all you really need to put you back into balance is some really good QUALITY time with those whom you most care about (and love to please...)


It's been a while since either Handler's or my own life has allowed us some proper time together - but a rare conjunction of both our Geoff's being busy allowed us an almost whole day together this weekend - with a somewhat chilly but deeply pleasurable ride up over the Cotswolds, hugging my Man tight to stay warm through the leathers, and then back home and up to the playroom for some *seriously* good play. And I mean SERIOUSLY good. Making my Man's legs tremble, throat-teasing, deep-hole opening, Fuck me till I threaten to pass out, head-spinning, cartoon-star head-circling, 'I can't take anymore pleasure or I'll explode' kind of good...

Oh Lordy, yes. There really is nothing quite like some quality time with those whom you love - and love to please.

THANK YOU, Sir! I can't say often enough: I love You, balls to bone.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

#Depression isn't a 'Black dog'

Churchill was wrong. #depression isn't a 'Black Dog'. Dogs are loyal, compassionate creatures - depression is anything but.

No, Depression is more like Joni Mitchell's "Beat of black wings" - the sound of helplessness and frustration, anger and self-destruction. 

Depression is a heartless scavenger that hovers maliciously at your steps, it's sleepless beady black eye watching for you to drop your weary guard so that it can flutter in to strip you of your protective skin and gorge on your weakness. 

A Depressive attack starts with just the one lone black-thought: the single crow upon the climbing frame of your mind - but one taste of blood and it gathers into an overwhelming Hitchcockian storm of beaks and claws and feathers that batters about your head, blinding and deafening you to all as it pecks and tears at the soft and tender parts of your heart and mind - leaving you hunched and bleeding and broken: a Tipi Hedren of the heart...

But worse. Depression is not some external force, or malevolent spirit from which you can escape if only you can run fast enough. Depression is YOU. It's your own mind and thoughts - the treacherous chemistry of your own brain. It's your own voice, insidious and twisted, telling you how dark and pointless life is, how pathetic and unworthy you are - how every sin of the world is your fault, because you are stupid, and ugly, and weak. 

And because it knows you so intimately, it is able to block almost every internal defence and turn them against you - knows and exposes every hidden fear and weakness. You may try to fight, to argue back that life can be good, that you have value - but, it twists your words back upon themselves, turns your mind against itself in hateful echoes, and like Jacobs angel, wrestling, uses the strength of your own resistance to wear you down until it can deliver that final, cutting blow that will end the fight - and your own self-inflicting pain.

Depression is the darkest part of yourself, caught up in despite and despair; a cancer of darkness and pain twisted in on itself and wishing only to smother every touch of light and hope - so that it can silence its own pain in the black hole singularity of oblivion.

But take it from one who has survived: Depression may be a terrifying foe, but it IS yourself - and so can never truly be stronger you. The storm of black wings may be overwhelming, and terrifying - but like any storm, it can - and WILL - pass. True, it will leave you weak and bleeding, shakily reaching for the door handle of your mind and stumbling to your car - nervously checking the rear view mirror of your mind for fear of their return - but you will survive, and escape. Maybe not stronger - but certainly more wise...

Friday, December 16, 2016

#Gender, identity, misogyny and #masc in the Gay community...?

There's been quite a thread recently on several of the Social Media spaces I inhabit, talking about how there seems to be a growing soapbox backlash in the gay community against 'masculine' guys.

Now, complaining about this that could sound like a bunch of straight-acting guys bemoaning their loss of male-privilege - but I think there is something deeper and more important here about identity and just what the LGBT Community should be.

Some of the thread has been about enculturated misogyny: the lack of female voices being allowed to speak for the LGBT community as a whole, the number of 'male only' clubs and the lack of 'female-only' spaces, and the anti-female language that is prevalent amongst some of the community. And I think there really is a valid political point here. We do have a male-privileged society were the female and feminine voice has been historically silenced or pushed aside - and were unhelpfully binary hetero-normative ideas of gender see 'masculine' traits lauded, whilst 'feminine' traits are sidelined or belittled. As a community - and as individuals - we have been ostracised by that same patriarchal normativity, and so should fight it whenever and wherever we can. That includes in our Community spaces, and in our own behaviours and beliefs.

I think there is quite a lot of unaware misogyny in the gay community. We've all experienced those friends who grimace and mutter "ew: fish!" if a women enters their gay spaces, or who make disparaging remarks about women or fem guys - but equally, how often do we unthinkingly use words like 'slut', 'cunt', or 'pussy' in a derogatory or belittling way without thinking about how anti-women those words are, or how offensive they might be...? The words we use create the world we see after all.

If we really want to help change society for the good, then our LGBT events should involve and celebrate the whole of our community. As aware gay men we should be careful of unconsciously using our male privilege, and actively give space to our female, trans and feminine identifying colleagues. So that means stepping back to give other voices room to speak - and it also means that it is NOT OK to use sexist or belittling language, even as a joke - and that includes doing so unconsciously. It is only by actively ensuring that our Community spaces are inclusive and diverse that we can ever hope to fully become part of a rainbow choir for change

However. A rainbow community has to make space for every colour, and every identity expression. There can be no gaps.
There's been a thread on one of the gay fetish sites, were a member has been called out for being 'Masc' - and was specifically told that it was a bad thing to act male or masculine, because by being so he was actively hating anyone who isn't. The same idea is expressed in a video that's making the rounds that calls out 'masculine-acting' gay men for being misogynistic, and vilifies any guy who wants to have sex with men that are comfortable in their own masculinity as this is 'shaming non-cis feminine men'. Which is just so bizarrely headfucked!

By this thinking, it's OK and acceptable to be yourself if you are a fem-queen (which, for the record, IS totally ok) but it's not OK to be yourself if you happen to be a naturally masculine gay guy. This is such a misunderstanding of the Queer concept of performative gender identity! Gender identity in our culture may be something we express through our chosen actions and ways of expressing ourselves (so something we 'perform' rather than 'be'), but the core of what we are expressing is something that is a core part of our indentity - and therefore a core part of who we are (even if it is only subconsciously chosen). Expressing yourself as a fem or non-cis man is as much a 'performance' as expressing yourself as hetero-normative male - so how can one be 'OK' and the other not? Shaming someone for being and acting as they are is no different from fat-shaming a bearish guy, or telling every Lesbian that they have to wear dungarees - and how does that work in our 'rainbow collective'?!?

Sure, being a masculine gay guy isn't OK if you express it by acting like the worst misogynistic or queen-hating straight-guy you can think of - that's not being masculine, that's just being a dick. But how can me just being 'normal' (for me) be actively offensive? - unless we have somehow got to a flipped-over point where masculinity itself is vilified...

Shaming is shaming - and I don't care what it's over: fat, gym-bunny, fem or masc - if you're telling someone to feel shame for being who they are and how they are comfortable with being (as long as it's not being a dick) then YOU are being a dick. Plane and simple.

I feel solidarity with my female and non-cis gendered friends, but I am a mostly cis-identifying gay man. I like everyone - and enjoy partying with everyone from women to drag-queens to leathermen and muscle-marys - but what makes me gay is the fact that I am sexually attracted to men; and yes, that means cis men who are 'gifted' with the physical traits created by the testosterone that flows in their bodies (and their pheromones): tall, muscular, bearded, hairy, confident... (but also: caring, protective, intelligent, gentlemanly - and all the other positive 'masculine' traits we often forget)... That *doesn't* mean I think the often 'feminine' traits are somehow less important or meaningful (whether expressed by men or women) - it's just that those traits are not what gets me hard. Maybe some of that comes from a society-induced bias from my upbringing, or maybe some of it is biological and chemical - who knows? All I do know for sure is that it's how I'm sexually wired.

We all need safe spaces: spaces were we can be ourselves, and explore and celebrate our identities - and that includes our gender expressions. Sometimes those spaces might be 'safe' for us *All* to explore our non-heteronormative identity, but equally there also needs to be spaces were we express our gendered and sexualised identities too - and so there *should* be women only spaces, and likewise, there also needs to be men only spaces too. Some of those spaces can be political, some party spaces - and yes, some of them also need to be sexual spaces were we get to strip and express our deepest sexual selves and rutt like the animals we are.

My expressing my sexual and gender identity is not belittling you expressing yours. If you think it is, you need to look to yourself and your own issues.

I know my fetish is as much a performance of identity as dragging up, or gimping out. But expressing MY sexual identity is a core part of being who I am - and allowing each of us to be free to do so (without harm to others) without shame or criticism should be a fundamental part of what the LGBT community must stand for.

Monday, October 03, 2016

#RopePlay with the #Wolfpack

Just a few photos from one of my favourite experiences during the whole ManchesterLeathermen's Leather Weekend...

The London Wolfpack were up to lead a bondage workshop at Rob on the Sunday, but also gave several bondage demonstrations at some of the official events over the weekend - and I was extremely lucky to be asked to be 'victim' for the one they held on the canal cruise - and even happier when Sir said 'yes, pup, I will let another man tie you up. In public. Whilst 70 sexy, gearclad Men watch and take photos...'

Better photos will come, I'm sure, but meantime here's a few kindly shared by the superbly sexy Dash: rigger and all round stud... (and even one of my Man enjoying a little time with His helplessly restrained pup, as reward... ;) )



#brotherhood at the #ManchesterLeathermen #LeatherWeekend

Just back from a brilliant weekend up in Manchester for the Manchester Leathermen's Leather Weekend, with my Handler and our good friend the Dr Nigel.

What a grand bunch of Men the Manchester Leathermen are - and what an excellent example of how to run a community-focused, friendly and fully integrated club. Everyone was so welcoming of their visitors, and regularly seemed to go out of their way to make sure all the new faces were embraced and included. The range of events was nicely broad, from formal dinners and relaxed brunches, to leatherclad discos and a heaving night at Alert - and also made space for several fun offerings on the 'fringe' too - including a grand puppy romp at the Kennel Klub, and a brilliantly hands-on rope workshop run by The Wolfpack. 

Thank you Leather Daddy, Saxon, and all the crew: you showed us all how a Community really can work in a true spirit of brotherhood for the good of all, and STILL have tons of sexy fun!

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

'I am the driver, he is the fuel'

'With my Master, I can release the beast inside of me - and being released, it is tamed'

This vintage film by Hardy Habberman (digitised by the Leather Archives and Museum) is a stunning visual and personal exploration of the power and meaning of Leathersex and BDSM. Behind the gear and the posturing, the egos and the fantasy, THIS is the true power and reality of BDSM can be...

Tuesday, September 06, 2016


I long for the perfect escape of rubber. 

The dark, enfolding embrace of that chemical latex skin - closer, tighter and more complete than any lover’s - as it coats and encases every muscle in overwhelming anonymity, and squeezes between each finger, toe, and crevice.

The rippling completeness of a sleepsac, expectant, waiting to welcome my willing flesh into its damp womb like folds - and the breath-squeezing compression as each zipper, buckle, and lace is sealed around my now grub-like body.

The self-erasing silence and blissful blindness of a close-fitting hood - the bitter-sweet swell of the gag, protest-muffling as it fills my mouth.

The hypnotic hiss-and-pop of breath through valves and hoses - and the groaning thought-dissolving pang of poppers in my nose and throat.

The floating stillness of waiting, suspended, for whatever my captor wishes of my transformed flesh and newly-surrender mind; no thought, no time, no will, no purpose - simply a rubber object, mindless, open, waiting, willing.

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